Apologies

For the first time in a long time, I’m at a loss for words
I don’t know how to apologize or recognize I hurt your feelings.
I don’t know why I said what I said, or the way that it was formed
even the way it was forwarded
the way it was worded.
It wasn’t my message to go revealing your confided trust
justified disappearing
Love was reappearing.
Mine was re-engineered
connection seemed sincere,
no fear, no fear,
no fear, no fear

for the first time. In a long time. I am at a loss for words
I reached my limit of forgiveness based in self, and then reflected
a limited experience with the lack of motivation for explanation
emancipation from the figure I was made out to be
stop telling me don’t tell me right now I’m not who I’m supposed to be.
I ain’t listening this time honestly surprised that you can’t tell,
or maybe you won’t realize
because I didn’t want to realize but these eyes viewed the truth in disguise

Calling me perfect was a perfect lie
I caused this it was me this time.
Calling me perfect was a perfect lie undeniable flaws in my eyes
Opposing forces collide,
looking at you is like a mirror with nothing behind,
picking apart your roots, undeniably burnt mine
because now the fire is sparked
unhinged with my remarks,
burning everything I thought I knew about myself and others,
removing everything I thought I knew about myself, and bringing back everything I left behind.
The old me, said you can trust me,
but the old me was a perfect lie.

I’m speechless
I hope you hear this
I hope it reaches you if your grieving
I hope we both reconnect for the right reason
I’m sorry for what I said
For what I said
The way I said it
For ever getting you to trust me
I don’t expect to be forgiven
For ever getting you to trust me just to commit treason